Although I know we are trying to stay off the subject of death, but can we touch upon it as in looking back in memory of someone? Saying that I am happy and very blessed to have met someone in my life who has influenced, inspired me since I was a child?
Why worst fear is loosing my memory as I get older. I've seen loved ones cry and that hurts, but it's worse to see your family member loose track of who they are and who they stand for when that person was someone who you looked up to and wanted to be. Someone you have fond memories with like making merangs, staying the night in a Winnie the Pooh bedding or creating forts out of he sofa. Now that's all just a memory. Now you look back and remember what they had become since loosing their memory. Yes some moments were distressing, coming back in the car in floods of tears thinking you felt awful for feeling this way. I remember the smell of the many care homes and the small room where a few pictures hang up on the wall of us as a family laughing before all this. Even though she never remembered us that didn't matter to me, all I wanted was for her to be happy and to not feel alone. There were positive happy times to these sad times, like seeing her been given a chocolate and my sister and I watching it melt into the palm of her hand, or her talking about tigers playing in the garden and saying that she used to put on short bread fingers on her hands when they were cold. Good days and bad, horrible days happened. The worst thing about seeing her like that was the effect it had on my family, my dad lost his mom and my grandad lost the love of this life and within 10 days my dad lost his dad. My grandad died of motor neurone disease and was honestly the best grandad I could have ever asked for and there's not one day that goes past where I don't think of them. My family and I believe he died shortly after because he couldn't bare the thought of living life without her - an undying love.
Writing this was hard, I was 5 when she started to loose her memory and lost her at 17. The progression was slow at first because we didn't know what exactly was going on. She started to forget how to make the tea and how to cook, she even started to forget her passion - playing piano. Music was the only thing that didn't leave her mind, she always knew exactly what piece of music was playing and even the composer who wrote it and knew what note was coming next. From my perspective loosing your memory, feeling disconnected from who you are and loosing track of who your family is, to me is the worst way to live out your life because their is no hope, no way of knowing how long it will last.
Grandma and Grandad were the best grandparents in the world, I always had fun with them no matter how old I was. I loved showing my grandad how to use a microwave and me trying to explain it in so many ways over and over again and him trying to work out what buttons to press and "What does the beeping mean" I remember him telling me. Do you remember trying to teach your grandad or grandma what a iPod was? "Back in my day I listened to the radio", "Where does it store all the music?" and "What's iTunes?". Do you have a type of food that reminds you of them? Did they have a chocolate sweetie cupboard in the kitchen? Do you remember what you used to watch with them? Do you remember something funny that they used to do or the way they did something? For your birthday did they used to get you the biggest card in store and now every birthday you remember massive cards from them? Did they have a catchphrase? Did they give you a nickname? What did you call your grandparents?
Writing this was hard, I was 5 when she started to loose her memory and lost her at 17. The progression was slow at first because we didn't know what exactly was going on. She started to forget how to make the tea and how to cook, she even started to forget her passion - playing piano. Music was the only thing that didn't leave her mind, she always knew exactly what piece of music was playing and even the composer who wrote it and knew what note was coming next. From my perspective loosing your memory, feeling disconnected from who you are and loosing track of who your family is, to me is the worst way to live out your life because their is no hope, no way of knowing how long it will last.
Grandma and Grandad were the best grandparents in the world, I always had fun with them no matter how old I was. I loved showing my grandad how to use a microwave and me trying to explain it in so many ways over and over again and him trying to work out what buttons to press and "What does the beeping mean" I remember him telling me. Do you remember trying to teach your grandad or grandma what a iPod was? "Back in my day I listened to the radio", "Where does it store all the music?" and "What's iTunes?". Do you have a type of food that reminds you of them? Did they have a chocolate sweetie cupboard in the kitchen? Do you remember what you used to watch with them? Do you remember something funny that they used to do or the way they did something? For your birthday did they used to get you the biggest card in store and now every birthday you remember massive cards from them? Did they have a catchphrase? Did they give you a nickname? What did you call your grandparents?
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